i had a good glass of wine with a couple of friends and my darling man yesterday at a nice, stylish place. pretentious, but simple in it’s own way. of course, i was kinda anxious about not being dressed properly for the occasion. i need something to be anxious about – that’s the only way i can function.
i am more aware of being tense and touchy lately. occasionally, i catch myself clenching my jaws or sitting all tight and unrelaxed. i need to start regular yoga exercise. i played with the idea on going on the master cleanse, but then i decided against it. this is not the right time, my body feels weak and feeble and i get tired in no time. but denise has been such an inspiration to me lately, although she’s half way across the world and probably doesn’t even know i exist.
i can’t figure out why it is so hard for me to start exercising. every day i come up with another excuse, like there’s not enough space at home, i find the weather depressing, it’s too expensive to enrol for a course… marking time, no progress at all. but eventually i will give it a go. i was outlining my routine today, so i can tune in mentally:
- Viparita karani or Legs-up-the-wall pose for beginners
- Salamba Sarvangasana or Unsupported Shoulderstand
- Matsyasana or Fish Pose. this is one of my favourites, it is very good for my neck and shoulders, which are stiff most of the time.
- Halasana or Plow Pose. also one i like very much. i can probably spend hours in this pose.
- Paschimottanasana or Seated Forward Bend. i have a special dislike for this one, but i acknowledge the need for it, since it will help my distracted mind unwind.
- Bhujangasana or Cobra Pose. this one is most likely to make me burst into tears if i allow myself to be absorbed, which i should definitely do more often, since i am desperate to find some inner piece.
- Salabhasana or Locust Pose.
- Dhanurasana or Bow Pose. i can’t hold this one for very long, but i enjoy it immensely and experience shows it gets better with time and regular training.
- Ardha Matsyendrasana or Half Lord of the Fishes Pose. i love love love this one.
- Adho Mukha Svanasana – the Downward-Facing Dog Pose as a preparation for the Peacock Pose, which i will be able to perform in, like, a thousand years or so…
- Trigonasana or Triangle Pose.
usually at this point i am already extremely tired and irritable, which is probably why i have never performed this routine for more than two weeks in a row, but i might just as well give it another try. one of my main problems is i get easily enthusiastic, but i hardly ever bring things to an end or form a habit for the good things. no problem with the bad things, though. they cost no effort. like, indulge in misery. i am very good at that.
but then again, i saw this professor on tv lately. he’s been travelling to nepal a lot. and just as i switched onto the channel, he was saying:
since i saw that there are people with no legs, i stopped worrying that i can afford no decent shoes.
which struck me like a lightening.
and i try to keep that in mind.
[update] great! just as i was about to start that routine a) my darling man’s son came to visit and b) it started raining heavily outside so i couldn’t go to the park either. you can see the universe is clearly on my side. jeez.
