It was pouring yesterday. Cats and dogs. Ducks and drakes, as the dictionary puts it, but I don’t trust that dictionary a lot. In fact, I trust google much more and yeah, google states it a few times, but not too often. Anyway.
I was being way too late for an appointment, but ours is a horrible city to live in (as much as I love it), all-day-traffic-jam and all and with the torrential rain coming down and little rivers forming everywhere, there was not one single free cab anywhere to be seen. In around 20 minutes. And I was late the second I set foot on the street already. There was another girl desperately waiting for a cab, probably younger than me and when that long-awaited yellow car finally showed up, we decided to share it. First drop her off, then me.
We sat there, all soaking wet and she started telling me about her wedding-day two years ago. We had this horrible rain-without-end-summer back then and she wanted to marry on a meadow, with daisies along the aisle and an arch of flowers. They expected 120 guests from all over the country and everything was minutely planned, when it started raining. The water came down all over the place, highways were blocked due to no visibility and lots of accidents. So finally she had to marry in the restaurant and the best man arrived 2 minutes before the ceremony and half of the guests arrived way after midnight. But they had a great party nonetheless, because she had really let go of all her expectations and ideas and just accepted the circumstances as they were. And now she has this memory of her spoiled wedding and the wonderful party afterwards and all. And a story she can tell strangers in cabs. And a beautiful smile.
I finally started my yoga routine. Today. I moved slowly, not forcing my body to do things “right”, but rather trying to feel out its boundaries and resistances. I really suffered through one of my favourite poses, the Plow Pose and could do the Seated Forward Bend only halfway to my knees. I couldn’t stretch my knees in the Downward-Facing Dog Pose, nor hold the Cobra for longer than 10 seconds. Yeah, it’s a bit of a “failure” according to my standards. I used to perform all these and many more without any difficulties. But I still feel great about it!
I had this talk with a friend of mine several days ago. I was telling him how i start some routine and then break it for a day and then never go back to it again. And he told me I was probably making a mistake in starting out too fast and furious. In this way I spill my initial energy very fast and when I take a break even for a day, I have no energy for the re-start. So, I’ll take my time this time. I won’t push too hard. Just a bit. But a very tiny little bit.
I met a friend of mine today. She was crying and overworked and a bit of a mess. It felt so good to soothe her pain, I knew instinctively the right things to say and to do. It is always so easy with others… never that easy with myself. But basically, I have the tools. Though I’m often enough reluctant to use them on myself. This is why I am getting a psychodrama session tomorrow. The therapist is one of my very best friends. Scared as hell, that’s what I am. But maybe soon I can share some insights on… whatever. They’re all welcome.
