I’m my old glorious procrastinating, hiding self.
No yoga done in weeks, no bagua either. Because, you know, I have this pretty excuse of being anaemic. Ok, maybe I’m too anaemic for bagua, where you have to stand as motionless as a pole, but one can’t possible be too weak for seated twists. Right.
A few weeks ago someone, who’s reading here, told me:
It’s a feeling I have with you Aries-Sun-Capricorn-Moon-Guys, you change visibly and rapidly on the periphery, but the core stays untouched, unchanged. AND you put lots and lots of energy into fooling yourselves and maintaining it that way.
Oh my, was i pissed. I didn’t like it. I didn’t deny it, either. Cause deep down inside I know there is a grain of truth. So I answered: “I won’t deny it, but all I can do is to keep trying, no?“
And here I am again. Putting stuff off to deal with tomorrow, because it feels uncomfortable. But that way tomorrow never comes. It’s the fear. I’m somewhat of a sociopath, when it comes to dealing with people outside my comfort zone. I’m great, friendly, glowing and all with people, who are close to me. But the weird lady on the bus? The strange guy at the coffee house? The director’s secretary? Please. I have a sixth sense for coming upon idiots. I seem to attract them. I’m scared to go out there and find some more. So I don’t. Go out. I don’t get the work done. I postpone until it becomes really urgent and I have to go. And then, it’s complicated, it’s hysterical and draining. And I hate it even more.
Same thing with phone calls to strangers. It can take me a week worth of preparation. I will sit there with the phone in one hand, dial a number or two, my heart will start racing and I’ll think to myself, ok, let’s do it tomorrow. Which isn’t really helping. The anticipation that tomorrow I have to go through the same procedure makes me wince inside. The situation is only solved by a point, where I have left myself no choice. I have to do it. Now. And I have to bear all the consequences of postponing for so long.
But today, I still have my tomorrow.
2 responses so far ↓
yogaguide // July 11, 2007 at 5:51 pm |
Sounds like you might benefit from lots of restorative yoga, which, yes, might include a few seated twists, but lots more lying twists, lying on bolsters (maybe in supta baddha konasana), feet up the wall (vitparita karani), sideways lying over bolsters, supporte bridge. If you don’t already have you might procure a yoga block or two and a bolster, a blanket, maybe an eye pillow. There are some good websites and books, but it’s really easier to just find what feels good to you. In restorative yoga you hold the asana for much longer – sometimes fifteen minutes.
From here you can meditate, not meditate, you may sleep…. don’t underestimate the power of physical depletion, dear physician! Be good to yourself!
moonymaid // July 11, 2007 at 6:02 pm |
Lots of those I would do anyway, if I would do something at all. I don’t know where my motivation is.
But thanks for the advice. I don’t like how my body feels lately. You wrote something about muscle mass fading away when one doesn’t practice for a while, it was you, right?
I feel all flabby, but I can’t seem to motivate myself.
Thank you for being such a faithful reader. I always enjoy your comments.