Yesterday I spent 13 hours at work. 13 hours, people.
Lately I’ve been thinking whether there can be any real progress without pain? I don’t have an answer to that question yet. At times I think it’s only because I’m addicted to being hurt that I don’t value life enough when it’s all blissful and easy-flowing. Then again I feel that only being hurt has brought me so far, that only by working through the pain I have become who I am. I don’t know… Is it possible to keep the Middle Way, is pain only a symptom of rushing things, not being ready for things? Or is it necessary to move us towards change, because we don’t go there deliberately and defend our habits more than we value spiritual growth?
I can’t rely on my judgement. Being the codie that I am, pain is so deeply engraved in my personal experience, that I don’t know whether I sub-consciously search for it wherever possible or why else it keeps finding me due to some mysterious Law of Attraction? Do I love the pain? Does it give me some sense of validation? Like, see, I survived, AGAIN.
Where’s the borderline? How can I know what is healthy and what is not?
And, in other terms, jeez’ I need a massage.
3 responses so far ↓
Mary (MPJ) // September 5, 2007 at 7:48 pm |
Hm… Your blog may have eaten my comment. Let me try again…
I have wondered about this myself — pain seems necessary to progress, yet I seem to wallow in it at times, hold onto it beyond what is necessary, because it allows me to feel, lets me know I am still alive.
gartenfische // September 6, 2007 at 1:50 am |
You make some good points here. Not that I have any answers, but they’re good questions.
yogaguide // September 11, 2007 at 8:18 pm |
I feel you! I think the hours are a commonality in all medical endeavors, and it has to do both with our personalities as well as the demands of the situations we are there to care for. Part of it is just that once you’ve done what you have to do to work tired/vulnerable/hungry/too long it’s hard to turn it off…. you loose track of the off “enough” button. Don’t have any answers either, but great empathy. I guess one of my answers is to as deeply experience my days away as I do my days “on duty”.