What it all comes down to

Okay. I’m tired. Had a few hours of sleep at the hospital, but it’s not really a nice place to be asleep. The nurse woke me a couple of times and every time I hear an ambulance my heart starts to race, because that could mean trouble ahead. So this is going to be short.

It’s just that… after all the “life-altering” thinking and inquisition I’ve been doing to myself lately, I realized there’s not much use of it. I keep running in circles and understanding things in my brain, but I don’t really change. Change needs life-force and energy, real change needs a power generator. Which, when you think of it, only can be…? Right, practice. So all it comes down to is actual practice. And at least part of all the thinking is a practice-avoidance strategy. I become so wound up in analyzing that I don’t really have any strength left to get on that mat. Running into walls is an exhausting occupation, which makes you think you’re doing something when you’re not. You begin to feel important with all these big and complicated thoughts in your head. Extraordinary. But you know… Being humble and ordinary seems more like the real thing. Do your job, live your life and for God’s sake, if you really want to change, practice. ‘Cause it’s all ever so nicely arranged by Him, the Universe and people who were smarter than us. You practice, you gain strength, you develop. You meet your weaknesses, you face them in a secure environment, you don’t need to rush, you can take it slowly, you can allow yourself to fail as many times as it takes and start all over. Eventually, something shifts. It is bound to shift. Constant effort is always rewarded. Easy as pie

I’m off to bed, light-hearted at last.

Try to keep it simple.

Love.