Apart from the obvious. Can anyone tell me why I’ve been obsessively reading every word on miscarriage, stillbirth and any other possible pregnancy disaster ever published out here on the Internet? It’s like those horror movies you get hooked up and can’t look away, but you wonder why you started watching in the first place.
And then I go negotiating with God, like this is not going to happen to me, right?
And then I start playing in my head all kind of dramatic scenarios, which make me burst into tears. And then I go all, I’m sorry for being so stupid, please don’t make me jinx it, dear Universe, I don’t really mean it.
Awww. This probably requires a longer post with much more background, but I don’t feel like it. Just wanted to get it off my mind.
But this feels so out of control.
3 responses so far ↓
gartenfische // January 3, 2008 at 10:21 pm
If it were me, I would be doing these things so that if the worst happened I wouldn’t be totally unprepared.
Now I’m not saying this is it for you, but at some points in my life it would’ve been a self-punishment thing—like I don’t really deserve this wonderful thing.
Hugs.
Mary (MPJ) // January 6, 2008 at 9:27 am
Pregnancy and motherhood added a new anxiety node to my brain. I was at the grocery store with my son tonight and eating a piece of candy and went through a whole scenario in mind of what horrible things would happen if I choked on the candy and passed out. What would happen to him among strangers? What makes me think those things? Argh!
Maddy // January 10, 2008 at 3:20 am
I’ve made those deals with the devil myself - I think [hope] it’s just hormones on the rampage.
Best wishes
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