Okay, so I (we) had the baby via c-section in August 2008.
Then I slipped into postpartum haze and blurryness and ended up with a severe case of Mommy Brain. Other than that, all is well. I shall update you little by little.
I’ve been feeling a bit off-track lately, not knowing exactly what is wrong (since the baby is adorable and my life is so, so much better for her being in it)… BUT, well.
Then today I saw the picture of a yoga instructor, who died last September. A young and incredibly beautiful woman. I couldn’t find out what caused her death, but I was struck by the light in her eyes and her smile. And then, suddenly, I knew why I’m feeling off-track. I have no inner joy. Not much, anyway. I have no light, I have no inspiration. And if I knew I was to die tomorrow, I would go without having known fullfillment. Not good. Must do something about this.
Of course, I have the baby, which makes me smile and laugh and dance around, BUT. I can’t rely on her to make me happy. I can’t entrust her with such responsibility. Like my mother did to me, by the way. I still, to this day, can’t get through to her that I’m not supposed to make HER happy. So, I have to take care of myself. No yoga in 2 years. No nothing. I did join a psychodrama group in April, though.
***
I need to come up with a blog name for the baby. Or I can just call her M., hich is the first letter of her real name. Otherwise known as Little Lettuce and Funny Bunny 
Hope to be back soon.
How have you been? Anyone still out here?
7 responses so far ↓
Mary (MPJ) // June 23, 2009 at 4:05 am |
Oh, I’m glad to see you! I’ve been thinking of you and figured you’d been busy with the baby. Now you have an almost one-year-old! Congratulations.
Ninotchka // June 24, 2009 at 2:30 am |
I like Little Lettuce. You know how I have been. It’s good to see you posting here again.
Elke // June 24, 2009 at 12:55 pm |
And there it is… another post after such a long time.
Always good to read you…
therapydoc // June 24, 2009 at 5:02 pm |
Yes! Don’t stop the yoga! Like, no matter how old you get, and hopefully that will be very, in good health.
Gumbomum // June 26, 2009 at 7:23 am |
I’m glad you’re back! (I used to be yogamum, am now gumbomum).
jennasuz // July 4, 2009 at 7:43 am |
missed you… and I completely understand the lack of inner-joy. I’m in the same daze as well. I always feel slightly guilty being stressed out/exhausted/unhappy when I’m so fortunate to have such a beautiful/happy/incredible/healthy baby.
I’m trying to rejoin the blog world as well. Knowing you are coming back is motivating me!
Keit // October 21, 2009 at 11:12 pm |
Hey! Welcome back
It’s funny that I have just returned to the blog world too, and checking who is online, I discover your recent posts
Please write more often!